halloween!

ryan's two sided jack-o-lantern

halloween was fun this year. even though sullivan doesn't really know what is going on, it was so fun to see him in his costume with his little bucket for candy. i was a little worried that he would have a meltdown since going trick or treating meant staying up way past his bedtime, and he did get a little teary and cranky right before he left. he rallied though, and made it around the whole cul-de-sac.

after we got home from the grocery store, sully went straight for the bags of candy.

ryan gets a big pumpkin every year, and sullivan could not get enough of it! he spent a lot of time smacking it and trying to pick it up.

i did a test run of his costume just to make sure it still fit. look how cute he is!

he has sharp little teeth and got through the packaging of a butterfinger. ryan said his eyes widened and he gripped the candybar with both hands once he tasted the chocolate.

here he about ready to go trick-or-treating. he had been holding a big bag of candy that i took away and he just lost it.

here are the boys ready to head out the door. to stop the tears, i distracted him with a toothbrush. he must have looked pretty cute going door to door with a bucket of candy in one hand and a toothbrush in the other.

sully's new game

here is sully's new game:

variations of this game include sullivan giving me the utensils one by one, and sullivan carrying around several spoons like a bouquet of flowers. i was hoping he would start to enjoy putting them back into the container, but we haven't gotten that far yet. :)

day at the beach

for our outing today, we went to the beach. the conditions were not ideal; it was high tide and overcast. it sounded fun though, so i put sully in pants and a fleece jacket and we were off!

when we got there, i made sure to roll up sully's (and my) pant legs. nobody wants wet pants! i filled the front pocket up my hoodie with the camera, my phone and the car keys. with sullivan on my hip i headed to the sand. sully was squirmy and eager to check out all the fun stuff on the ground, so i put him down and dug into my pocket for the camera. i fiddled with it, trying to decide if the 'beach' setting would be better than 'kids and pets,' or maybe something different since it was so overcast? i looked up from the camera to see sullivan toddling like a little penguin towards the water. he was pretty far down the sand, and as i walked toward him the water came up the beach and swirled around his calves. he wavered a little and then...fell on his butt.

we had been out of the car for, literally 30 seconds.

i scooped him up just in time for the second wave of water to get me up to my calves. lovely!

i squeezed the extra water out of his pants and set him back down, pointing him away from the water. he quickly found some rocks to bang together. since he was having fun and didn't seem freezing, i thought we might as well stay for a little while.

he ended up having a lot of fun. i let him do whatever he wanted, even when that meant laying on his belly and scooting backward like an inchworm down the sand. he was pretty good about not putting sand in his mouth, so that was good. i'm hoping we're moving past the put-everything-in-my-mouth stage. he did try and gnaw on a rock, but since it wasn't a handful of sand i didn't mind.

here are some pictures and some video of our beach adventure:

sully was a sandy DISASTER when we got back to the car. i brought a change of clothes and the diaper bag, but i didn't have a towel, which really would have come in handy. he was also getting tired and kept trying to rub his eyes with his sandy paws. it took me at least 20 minutes to de-sand him in the parking lot, and he ended up going home in just a diaper in his carseat. we had a lot of fun though, so we will definitely be going back soon. i'll just be a little more prepared next time!

more walking

here's another quick video of sully walking. notice his shirt; isn't it weird??? i didn't realize it when i bought it, but that looks like a baby's skull, right?

now the real trouble begins

here is sully walking like a drunken sailor! he is getting better at it everyday. there is nothing better than seeing him walking towards me, arms in the air, squealing with delight.

the captain's chair

here is sullivan in his new car seat. He seems to really like facing forward, although, despite my expertly placed window screens we have run into problems when the sun is in his eyes. I can't get over how old he looks in this picture. He's such a little boy!

wow. WOW!

I am writing this post on october 5, even though i will not post it for several weeks.

when we got home from hollister a two weekends ago, i started to feel a little stuffy in my nose, but mostly my right nostril. it is ALWAYS that nostril. i don't know if it is allergies or what, but i go through this every year or so. my sinuses swell and my nose becomes simultaneously runny AND stuffy. it will be barely noticeable in the morning, but as the day progresses it gets worse and worse, until i dread going to bed and trying to fall asleep while i am getting the equivalent of a coffee swizzle stick's amount of air up my nose. ANYWAY, i thought it would clear up on its own, but it was being stubborn, and i was afraid it was going to turn into a full blown sinus infection. i was on the fence about going to the doctor until last wednesday, after i came inside from playing with sully in the backyard, i got crazy hives on my legs. they were huge and horribly itchy. i put my feet up, and they seemed to go away, until i woke up the next morning COVERED in blotchy red patches from the knee down. so i finally broke down and went to the doctor, who of course had no explanation for the hives, but prescribed me some sort of oral steriod and an antibiotic for my sinuses. as i was waiting at the pharmacy, i wandered the aisles and came to the 'family planning' section. i thought, you know what? i should probably take a pregnancy test just in case. i am suprised this thought occured to me at all. ryan and i certainly weren't trying to get pregnant. but it wasn't exactly an impossibility either, and i wanted to be sure before i started taking all these crazy drugs. i really thought it would be a formality, that i would pee on the stick, it would say 'not pregnant' and i would go on with the rest of my day as planned. and it almost turned out that way. the first line appeared right away, the line that says the test is working, the line that, when it appears alone, says you aren't pregnant. so i balanced the test on the trash can, finished my bathroom routine, and looked at it again.



i gasped and my heart started racing. the second line was faint, but it was there.



i stared at it in disbelief. my hands were shaking. can this be true? i started thinking about the test and how it might be wrong, but quickly dismissed that idea because a pregnancy test might give a false negative, but NEVER a false positive. i tried to calm down but i was really stunned and buzzing on adrenaline. ryan was home and amid all these thoughts i was trying to decide if i should tell him then, or wait and think of some creative way. i went to feed sullivan lunch and ryan came into the kitchen asking me about the wording for a voice mail he was trying to leave his new reps. he was talking to me, but i could not focus on what he was saying. so, when he asked me what i thought, i just blurted it out. i wish wish wish i would have had the forethought to have the camera nearby to be able to take a picture of the look on his face. it was complete shock, and then the side of his mouth curled up into a smile and he said, 'really?'



so that is the news. i'm pregnant, and by my calculations due in the beginning of june. i'm still kind of digesting it myself.

the big birthday party

sullivan's first birthday party was quite an event. grandma and pappy flew in from colorado and meredith came down from san fran. all in all, i think there were about 20 people there. we barbecued and just hung out. sullivan did pretty well; he had a few meltdowns due to over stimulation and noise, but for the most part he had a great time playing in his pool and opening presents. i knew he would cry during the birthday song, and sure enough, he did. i was telling someone about this and she said, "i'm sure he was thinking, 'why are all these people yelling at me?' that must be what it feels like to him," and that makes perfect sense to me.

*update* at meredith's request, i have added the below picture of post-crying sullivan. she says he looks like me here, when i was a little girl on the verge of tears.

ryan was also hoping that he would dive face first into his cake and icing, but he didn't do that at all. he didn't seem to like the feel of the icing, and i thought maybe once he tasted it he would be into it, but that wasn't the case either. he eyed it suspiciously for what seemed like forever and then ate a few fingers worth of icing. maybe next year?

sully got to play in his pool at his party. playing in the pool, or bath, is his favorite activity. we just had him go naked instead of wasting a swim diaper. he didn't seem to mind.

by the time we got around to presents, he was getting really tired, but a nap was an impossibility so we pressed on. the toy lawn mower he got from brett and jenny was a big hit; he loves pushing that thing around! annie bought him a puppy costume and we tried the hat on for size. we could not stop taking pictures of him in the hat because he looked so cute. my cheeks hurt from smiling at his cuteness. and he tolerated the hat surprisingly well!

everyone always says this, and it is definitely true: kids will inevitably like the box the toy came in more than the toy itself. while the men put together the ATV sully entertained himself with the box.

and here he is riding the ATV. he has gotten a little better at it and now he likes for me to push him around the backyard. he also really likes to stand in front of it, put his hands on the handlebars and push it around. that is a great way to tire him out before naps or bedtime!

he also got a plastic slide from my parents which he climbs all over for a good part of every day. he is going to get a lot of use out of that.

all in all, it was a very successful day, and it was so great to hang out with all our friends and family for what may be the last time at our house.

everyone kept asking us what we got sully for his birthday, and honestly it hadn't crossed my mind to get him anything at all! but we did just get him a new car seat, so i guess that is his birthday present. happy 1st birthday, little guy! i can't wait to see what the next year brings.

one trip round the sun

the first of many naps....

sullivan and i getting acquainted

the first picture of sullivan

taken today. happy birthday little man! (he likes to clap when he stands).

oh man.

this time last year sullivan was only a few minutes old. i'm having a hard time wrapping my head around how fast time slips by. it feels like yesterday, and yet also like a thousand years ago, that we brought sullivan home from the hospital. how did this happen? my tiny little baby has morphed into a happy, busy, active toddler, seemingly overnight. it is all so cliche, but he is growing up so fast. Here are some of the high and low points of the past year:

high:

labor and birth: i know it might sound weird, but labor was such an amazing experience. blindingly painful mind you, but amazing to see and feel my body in its most primal, instinctive form. at that moment i was no different from anyone woman who has ever given birth, ever. i thought about anne boleyn being on bedrest for six months or however long it was, that woman in 'pillars of the earth,' marie antoinette, my mother, my grandmothers, etc. the details vary, but it is all essentially the same.

and once i had the epidural, the rest was really, really easy. i relaxed and watched the contractions on the monitor. tried to take a nap. chatted with ryan and the doctors and nurses. i always imagined there would be this urgency, panic. that i'd be in pain, that i'd have to push, NOW, get this kid out of me NOW. instead, it was all very leisurely, which suited me fine. after i'd been there a while and dilating nicely, the doctor checked me and said i was at 9 1/2, he had a c-section to do at 8:30 so he thought i could start pushing at 9. i never thought i'd be given a time for that. and that is exactly what happened. we'd watch the contraction monitor and as soon as one was coming, i would do two sets of 10 second pushes. then we'd break and wait for the next contraction. ryan and i chatted with our nurse, sarah who was from north dakota, or watched a snippet of sports center. one moment i will never forget is the doctor coming in to see me do a few pushes watching sports center with ryan while we waited for a contraction. after a lot of pushing that felt to me was going nowhere only because i couldn't feel anything, the doctor was summoned and i had only a few more pushes to go. one moment sully was in my belly, the next moment he was a new person in the room! and i didn't cry, which was surprising because any sort of extreme emotion always makes me cry. i just remember smiles and happiness and awe; awe that i gave birth, awe that he was there, looking at me with his eyes that i MADE, awe.

low*:

breastfeeding: in the hospital, breastfeeding was great, he latched on, he ate a lot and i had a ton of nurses helping me. Then, my milk came in. read this post for details.

and then, we he was a month old, after i thought i had all my issues ironed out, i got a blocked duct, which was almost more painful than the raw nipples.

i put an asterisk by this 'low' entry because, while it was terrible, i also fought through it and ended up nursing him for almost a year. i'm pretty proud of that accomplishment.

high:

joy. and not just the joy he brings to ryan and i, but the joy i see in our parents, sisters brothers, cousins, etc. the joy he brings perfect strangers when we are out and about. and the joy that exudes from him. he has his moments, but he is one of the happiest babies i have ever known. smiles and laughs and happy babble fill the house all the time.

low:

the fear. SIDS. choking. falling. swine flu. black widows. car accidents. baby crazed maniacs. peanut/bee/other crazy allergies. autism. raccoon roundworm. i have to stop listing them because just the thought is getting my mind on a path i do not want to go down. but what i mean is this: being a parent is terrifying, and it only gets worse in terms of things to worry about. i am learning to balance this fears and worries, but it is hard. i see how easy it is to become a helicopter parent and i am determined not to do that.

high:

being a kid again. ryan is excited about the train set and dump truck that our neighbor gave us, and i am excited for legoland and trips to the beach to build sandcastles. being able to do fun kid things and see the world through a child's eyes is pretty awesome. i love taking sully to the zoo and watching him check out all the animals, and i know that will only get cooler as he gets older and understands a little more of what is going on. to be a parent is to be a child again knowing that these moments are fleeting and precious.

happy birthday to sully, and i am looking forward to seeing what the next year brings!

another milestone

as of today, sullivan is weaned! i've been gradually working in some formula feedings for a few weeks, in preparation for a trip we are taking (we are leaving sullivan with the grandparents) to the central california coast later this month, and i had just, within the last few days, gotten down to one feeding a day. then today, when we were getting ready for his nap, i thought i might as well just make a sippy cup and see if he'll take it. i thought that he might be attached to that feeding because he almost always falls asleep while he is eating, but he happily took the sippy cup and drank it right down. then he sat quietly on my lap (a rarity) while i read him the poem the cremation of sam mcgee. before i finished, i looked down and he was fast asleep.

i am a little sad, and i do feel a twinge of guilt, but i am definitely happy to have a little more freedom, and i am elated to pack my pump away for a while! i am also pretty proud of myself; after all my trials and tribulations, i made it (almost) a year! not many people can say that, and i am so happy to have given that gift to sullivan.

and since i feel a post is incomplete without some photos, here are a few i took on the last day of july. those pajamas are for you, pappy!

mammoth 2009

last week was the annual woodward family vacation to mammoth. usually we are only able to make it for the tail end of the week, but this year we drove up on tuesday night. It was awesome to have the extra few days up there, but packing was crazy! and now that we have sullivan...well, it was ridiculous the amount of crap we brought.

Here is ryan getting ready to pack the cooler:

the first day we were there the boys went hiking and i took a nap. sullivan loves the backpack! also a fan of drinking out of a water bottle.

i had to get a shot of the insane amount of camo going on here. oh wait, you can't see who is in the photo, right? because of all the camo. well, that is sully, uncle brett, and aidan.

grandma ginni got the boys matching outfits that they wore most of the day until, amazingly, sullivan and not aidan had a diaper explosion that necessitated an entire outfit change. we got some great photos though. :)

next year, mammoth will be CRAZINESS. a two-year-old and a one-year-old will be tearing out the place. i can't wait!

early career possibilities?

The owner of the bakery by our house couldn't get enough of sully when we went in there last time. he said that when sully is a little bigger he can have a job stocking the bottom shelves. i told him that if he needed any shelves...UNstocked, then look no further! sully is a pro. he used to exclusively work with books, but he has recently expanded his services to diapers as well.

pool fun!

our neighbor jim gave us his kids' old turtle sandbox, which is the exact sandbox i remember having when i was little. we have been using it as a pool this summer, and it is the perfect way for sully to burn a little energy before his afternoon nap. he loves splashing in the water and will only get out willingly when his little jaw starts to shake.

sullivan and his treasures

lately, sullivan has been finding things he likes and toting them around. it is ALWAYS a non-toy item. today it was the house phone.

the tv remote. he carried this one around for at least an hour and had a small meltdown when i had to take it away for bathtime.

he LOVES the drumsticks, which are of course the items with the highest potential for injury. now he knows where i've hidden them (which i suppose means that they aren't really hidden at all), and tries to get at them every chance he gets.

other items he has toted around that i have yet to photograph: ryan's shoe horn, a bottle of baby lotion, my cell phone (he holds it like a sandwich), and a tube of baby sunscreen. there's a whole box of toys begging for this attention...

colorado trip

after a long illness, my grandmother passed away and so sully and i (and later, ryan) flew out to colorado to be with the family. i had forgotten how much i love colorado in the summer; the heat, the afternoon thunderstorms, the cottonwoods in their full, green splendor.

sully proved to exactly what the doctor ordered to raise everyone's spirits. he is pure joy, packaged in the body of an active, wiggly, chatty 10-month old baby.


my parents bought him some toys, but of course his favorite thing was tupperware.

ryan and i were thinking he wouldn't be as opposed to my parents grass because it is a much softer variety than what we had in our yard, but no, he wanted as little of his body touching it as possible.

we lowered the temperature in the hot tub to 93 degrees and sullivan loved it. he sat in the little turtle innertube and kicked his way around, and loved splashing. he could have stayed in there forever and was MAD when it was time to get out.

all though the purpose for our trip was sad, it turned out to be a really lovely visit. hopefully we can get out to colorado in the summer more often. :)

a brief visit to heaven

we have been to hollister several times and the beauty of it never gets old. i keep telling ryan to hurry up and make our millions (although maybe it will be me who makes our millions...) so we can buy a 100 acre parcel and live there. rolling hills, horses, cows, chickens, coyotes, wild pigs, citrus groves, eucalyptus and oak trees, the milky way...i can think of no better place to be. to exist in this world. i imagine sullivan growing up learning the names of all the trees and plants, collecting eggs, racing down the road with blue and playing hide and seek in the barn. catching frogs and watching spiders spin their webs. learning the constellations and the stories behind them. *sigh*.......



an idyllic day on the ranch.

there are few things better than a velvety horse nose.

a three-week-old colt with his momma.

sullivan crawling on the grass. he doesn't like his feet to touch. :)

backyard escape

sullivan and i like to go to the park, but since school let out it has been very busy over there. we have a lovely backyard, but the lack of shade has kept me from spending any amount of time out there.

ryan solved this problem for me by buying a piece of rebar and pvc pipe to anchor our beach umbrella in the ground. now with a few simple steps, i have my own little patch of shade, away from the chaotic scene at the park.

blue, who as you know insists on being in almost every photo, volunteered to demonstrate.

so far we have used it several times, and it works out great because sullivan does not like to crawl on grass and he stays on the blanket.

except for yesterday, when he took off at a rather brisk (as brisk as crawling can be, anyway) pace and plucked something out of the grass to show to me.

there, between his chubby pointer finger and thumb, was a rabbit turd. i managed to grab it from him before he put it in his mouth, but barely. as it turns out, rabbit turds are the perfect size for babies to pick up and attempt to eat. i learn something new everyday.

look what i can do mom!

after i changed sullivan's diaper, i went to wash my hands. when i returned, this is how i was greeted:

he's looking at the floor like he knows he next move will be to get from his crib to the ground.

here we are at babies r us. as you can see, i am trying to use my shopping cart cover, but it doesn't fit the babies r us (or target) carts that well because those carts are slightly bigger than a grocery store cart. sullivan likes sitting in the cart, but would much rather have the leg holes facing the other way so he can see where we are going, which makes sense to me too. when i was grabbing food to stick in the cart, he completely turned around and got on his knees.

now i really need to start using that little seat belt!

this new standing skill has created something of a problem: when we put him to bed for the night, even though he his clearly exhausted, he is not quite done hanging out so the first thing he does when we put him in his crib is stand up. and once he gets there, he is not quite sure how to get down. so he cries and cries until one of us goes in and lays him back down. then he rolls over and stands back up and cries and cries. we aren't quite sure what to do. if we keep going in when he will cries, he will realize that all he needs to do is cry for us to come get him. but then do we let him stand there and cry? and how will he eventually get down? will he fall? what if he smacks his head? bah, all these questions. soon he will figure out how to sit himself back down and this won't be an issue, but what do we do until then? the last two nights we have had gone in and sat him down and eventually he fell asleep. hopefully we will figure this out soon.

rainy day odds and ends

wednesday it rained off and on all day, so sully and i spend the day in the house. soon the rain started to make a racket outside, and much to my surprise, it was hailing! it hailed for about 5 minutes and started to melt very quickly so i snapped a quick picture. most of the pieces were pea-sized, but a few were kind of big, maybe grape? it was pretty amazing; i didn't think san diego was capable of this kind of weather. the sun was out and the hail was gone about 10 minutes after i took this picture.

see how intense blue looks? in my right hand, the camera; in my left, a bagel slathered in peanut butter. blue did not flinch as sullivan repeatedly yanked on his tail.

sully sitting quietly (a rarity) and playing with his toys.