the neurosis is here

can you see sullivan's left eye is red? well, IT IS.

i kind of had a feeling this would happen, since we used to freak out when the dog got hives, got stung by a bee etc. LOTS of trips to the vet. but that said, ryan and i are generally pretty laid back people not prone to hysterics. and on top of that, i was (and still am) determined to be a reasonable person who does not take her child to the doctor every time he sneezes or whatever. it is easy to say that when all is well, but i was put to the test on friday when i noticed sullivan's left eye was a little teary.

a new thing i have learned about babies is that they don't cry with tears right out of the gate. and everything is in working order to produce them, but tears are a result of a psychological component that takes a while for babies to develop. isn't that interesting??

his eye was noticeably wetter than the other one, with a tiny little bit of goop in the corner. and i noticed that he had been rubbing at it. of course it was friday at about 4, so i wouldn't be able to take him to the doctor the next day if it got worse. we decided to hold off and if it was still there on monday we would call.

the weekend went by, and his eye was still a little goopy and wet. then, on sunday we went out to dinner and he fell asleep in his carrier. when we got him home to give him a bath, his eye was so goopy he was having a hard time opening it. we cleaned it with a warm washcloth and after that it seemed to be much better.

but today he started rubbing at it again, so i decided to make an appointment. they had one available at 4:15, so i thought that would be perfect. sullivan slept for much of the afternoon, and since he wasn't rubbing his eye anymore, it wasn't red. so essentially, i showed up at the doctor's office with a perfectly healthy looking baby, feeling like a complete idiot. the nurse asked why i was there, to which i said 'his eye is red and goopy.' she looked at him, and then looked at me, and i wanted to tell her, 'i'm not a crazy neurotic parent! it was red and goopy ALL DAY!'

the doctor came in and i explained the symptoms, and she said it was probably just a blocked tear duct, which i totally knew all along because i had scoured the internet for baby-related eye ailments, but i didn't want to say that and maker her think i am one of those web-md home diagnosers. but she did give me a prescription for some antibiotic ointment in case it does get worse. so i guess i feel better now that i took him to see her, but i do feel like kind of an over protective freak.

but at least one fun thing came of this appointment; he got weighed! and I am proud to say he is now tipping the scales at 11 pounds 13 ounces! woohoo!

a new personal low

i think most new moms would agree that while you don't expect your body to snap back to pre-baby condition immediately, it is still surprising to look in the mirror after you have given birth. my arms, butt and legs all looked proportional when compared to a giant belly, but now that the belly is gone (mostly gone, anyway), everything looks huge. Maternity clothes don't fit anymore, but I still can't fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes, so I have been shlubbing around the house for the past two months in sweats and tank tops.

lovely.

I have two 'out of the house' outfits that involve the aforementioned tank tops and a pair of khaki maternity capri pants, or a black stretchy skirt i bought at a yoga store when i was about 12 weeks pregnant (it was expensive for me, i think 70 bucks, but turned out to be such a great investment!). And a denim jacket or some sort of cardigan to cover the giant, flabby arms.

so anyway, it was time i bought some clothes that fit. nothing crazy, but i mostly needed a few nursing shirts so i don't have to lift up my entire shirt, maybe a few more nursing bras since i leak or get spit-up on and they are in the wash ALL THE TIME, and pants of some kind.


Ryan, the sweetest and most amazing husband who keeps telling me i am beautiful no matter what, said he would go with me shopping and we could bring the grandparents down to babysit. While this was so thoughtful, I decided to go by myself because i knew although ryan meant well, he hates shopping, and i would be a little cranky trying on bigger clothes. Those two things could not possibly combine well.

So I went to the maternity store in the mall, which i figured would have some nursing things for relatively cheap. and yes, they do have a TINY section for nursing on one wall in the back. Whatever, i wasn't buying a whole new wardrobe. the saleslady asked me my bra size so she could pick out different styles of nursing bras for me to try on, and then she asked me "When is your baby due?"

Now, I know that I was in a maternity store and pretty much every woman who goes in there is pregnant. I also know that while I am a few pounds over my ideal weight, I do not look pregnant. Or, not pregnant enough to be shopping for nursing bras anyway. This lady was clearly an idiot who was not paying attention. But I was already feeling crappy about having to shop at all and that was pretty much the last thing i needed to hear. I tell her I already HAD my baby, thankyouverymuch, and she doesn't even bat an eyelash and puts me in a dressing room.

I found a few cute tops and some bras and got the hell out of there.

and may i say, i seriously hate that store. beyond the oblivious saleslady, the racks are overpacked with sub par clothing, like they know that pregnant women aren't expecting to look great while pregnant and they will settle for anything remotely cute. and they have a ridiculous return policy, which i am sure is due to the fact that pregnancy is a relatively short-lived state and people would want to return clothes when they are done with them, but it just screams low class to me. maybe that is snotty, but i don't care. my goal for the next pregnancy is to be able to shop at a decent maternity store.

ANYWAY, getting back to my story. right outside the maternity store is a kiosk. i generally hate these kiosks and the people that work in them. the product is usually crap that sounds/looks great but no one every actually uses, and the sales people are pushy and lame. I always walk by, eyes averted, hoping not to attract their attention. But after i left the maternity store, i paused in order to collect my thoughts and decide if i really wanted to shop for jeans after that ordeal. and just then, he caught me.

i don't even remember what he said that made me listen and walk over, because i never give the kiosk people the time of day. I am beyond feeling bad about it, or rude, but I always ignore them and walk by, with the occasional 'no thank you.' but before i realized what i was doing, this guy with the crazy accent (which i later found out was israeli) was buffing my thumbnail to a clear polish shine and oiling my seriously neglected cuticles. He asked me my name and told me i had lovely hands that just needed a little attention. voila! shiny nails! see how easy that is? three steps, and it is better than a salon! do you like cucumber melon or ocean? it is all yours for a great price! buy one, get one free!!!

He was definitely salesman-y, but sweet and young and not a wheeler-dealer. he could have tried to sell me all kinds of other crap, but he didn't. so now i have TWO sets of lotion, cuticle oil and nail buffer. and since that was the money i would have spent on jeans, i decided to call it a night.

Halloween

It has been a while since I have posted anything, mostly because I've had nothing to talk about. The days have been pretty non-eventful, which isn't a bad thing. Sullivan and I are getting to know each other better, and that is making this whole 'responsible for another human being' thing less stressful for me.

I thought Sullivan had too many outfits for halloween, but as the day went on, he either pooped or spit up on them so we ended up getting through all of them (except for the 'i love my mummy and mummy loves me' onesie because it was too small!). He was QUITE the attention getter from all the moms accompanying their kids and Ryan loved showing him off. I'm glad we didn't shell out the money for an actual costume, he looked just as cute in what we had. Maybe he will be a monkey next year.